That moment when it clicks.
I heard that it feels like a lightbulb moment, and it does!
You realise that it wasn’t time wasted, it was time spent learning a lesson. I think I’ve learnt more about lessons in love from the bottoms of wine bottles and through words of tragic love songs (written by even more tragic singers) than I have the real thing. Why do we do it to ourselves? Night after night; the crying, the longing, the replaying every scenario in your head’ing? What if’ing? Writing poems that we feel are bleeding from our hearts, when in reality are just making ourselves sound as tragic as the various songs that, curtesy of the late Whitney, dribble from our lonely stereos.
Speaking from recent exposure to this ludicrous behaviour, I felt the need to explain the secret of escaping from this cycle of cyber stalking, bunny boiling, snot covered trap. You won’t find the secret on the Amy Winehouse CD you’ve got playing in the background, and you certainly won’t find it in the two bottles of merlot you’re about to sink. The secret?… Be happy.
It’s hard see the positives if you can barely see over the rim of your ikea wine glass. They are there though. Fill your vision with the people that make you happy (if only the person that’s missing has the ability to make you happy I would seriously suggest you get out more). Replace the Wino CD with the sound of laughter, surround yourself with your friends – and I’m not talking people that just want to latch on to your heartbreak and push you towards sleeping with all the frogs in the hope that you will eventually bed your prince, but the ones who are STILL listening to you drone on about how much you loved him. The ones who listen to your sober stalking stories and don’t think you’re crazy. The ones who’ve taken your intoxicated phone calls at 3am and listened to you sob. You need those guys.
After the initial stages of heartbreak you reach the point where you actually feel relieved. Once the longing and the anger have left your system you’re left with a feeling that I can only compare to sympathy – for the one you wanted to marry, then kill all in the space of a month. You still care, but you have no time left to spend hoping that they care about you, there’s no longing left as how could you want someone that could walk away from you so easily? You smile at them and you will talk to them again, but now you don’t need to. You realise you are stronger because you believed in them, you believed in working for something that you loved – it’s admirable how much you wanted something. Seeing it as a weakness is not an option anymore, quite frankly ‘they ain’t shit’. And they will have to spend the rest of their lives knowing that they gave up on someone that never would have given up on them.
“We accept the love we think we deserve” – (Steven Chbosky)
What we accept in life is what we feel we deserve, not only in love but in everything. The real lightbulb moment in any situation is the realisation that we deserve far more than we had previously led ourselves to believe -therefore surround yourself with those who want the best for you. The ones who want to drag you from your tragic little hole and have the ability to make you feel good about yourself, they are there. And if you can’t see them, you’re just not looking. Nothing is a waste of time unless you do not learn from it, it is important to remember not to let others wear the mistakes of those who hurt you.
It’s time to be happy and fall inlove with what you deserve.